Discussion

Band 7+: Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

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Note: Both the topic and the essay were created by one of our users.

As crime is one of the biggest concerns in many societies, some people argue that extended prison sentences are the best ways to alleviate this problem, while others believe that some alternative methods are more efficient. This essay will examine both these views before providing my own opinion.

On the one hand, longer jail terms significantly contribute to the reduction of criminal activities. Once facing the risk of losing their freedom for a long period, it may discourage people from the intention of committing crime, considerably reducing the crime rate from the beginning. In addition, besides being deterrences themselves, harsh sentences also play as the best way to manage people who commit felonies such as murders and robberies. By giving longer imprisonment, serious criminals will be kept far from society, maintaining social order and ensuring public safety.

On the other hand, there are arguments to the support of using alternatives instead of long period sentences. Admittedly, harsh punishments can be a deterrent when it comes to felons, however, to minor crimes such as shoplifting and picking pockets, it may be unnecessary. As a result, directly tackling the drivers of crimes such as poverty and unemployment can be far more effective. Once given with educational and employment opportunities, people are less likely to experience challenges that may lead to criminal activities, allowing them to enjoy a stable life rather than offending for survival.

In conclusion, while extended prison terms remain necessary for deterring serious criminals, I strongly believe that the best way to reduce crime in the long run is to solve the root causes of it by making education accessible and creating job opportunities.

Word Count: 274

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Overall Band Score

7.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

crime: 4

people: 4

sentences: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay fully addresses all parts of the task. A clear position is established in the introduction and maintained throughout the response. The discussion of both views is well-balanced: the first body paragraph effectively explains the logic behind longer sentences (deterrence and public safety), while the second body paragraph provides a coherent argument for alternative methods (addressing root causes like poverty). Ideas are logically extended and supported with relevant reasoning. To maintain this high standard, ensure that the transition between the 'deterrence' argument and the 'root cause' argument remains seamless, though in this instance, the progression of thought is very natural.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay is well-structured, following a logical progression from the introduction to the conclusion. The use of cohesive devices such as 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', and 'In conclusion' helps guide the reader through the argument effectively. Paragraphing is used skillfully to separate the two opposing views and the final opinion. To reach a higher level, ensure that the transitions between sentences within paragraphs are even more seamless to avoid any slight mechanical feel.

Lexical Resource

You have used a good range of vocabulary appropriate for the topic, such as 'alleviate', 'deterrences', 'felonies', and 'tackling the drivers of crimes'. The word choices are generally accurate and demonstrate a high level of lexical control. To improve, try to incorporate more sophisticated collocations and avoid minor repetitive phrasing (e.g., varying the way you refer to 'long prison sentences').

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a good range of complex sentence structures, including conditional 'once' clauses and concessive 'while' clauses. However, there are some grammatical inaccuracies that prevent a higher score. For example, 'Once facing the risk...' is a dangling modifier (the subject of the main clause must be the one facing the risk), and 'play as the best way' should be 'serve as the best way' or 'act as'. Additionally, 'Once given with...' is slightly awkward; 'Once provided with...' would be more natural. Focusing on subject-verb agreement and the precision of prepositional use will help improve accuracy.

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