Discussion

Band 6+: Some people think that the government should provide free public libraries in every town, while others think that this is a waste of money because people can access to information on the Internet. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Note: Both the topic and the essay were created by one of our users.

There is an ongoing debate regarding free public libraries. Some group of individuals believe that the government should provide free public libraries. However, others claim that this is a waste of budget. Therefore, before starting my opinion, both views will be discussed in the ensuing paragraphs.

Examining the former opinion, the primary argument the supporters would put forward is that every citizens can access to libraries, because some people don’t have the internet to be able to access to online information, especially in rural areas. In addition, they also believe that providing free libraries could reduce the usage of the internet cost. Nowadays, electricity cost is very high. Thus, people are trying to use the internet as ilttle as they could, in order to lessen their household costs.

On the other hand, those in favor of the latter opinion have their own argument. To begin with, they claim that to have free libraries in every town is not worth the budget , seeing that it costs a lot of money to built. Moreover, some researchs said that the proportion of inhabitants using public libraries have decrease significantly. Therefore, the government should spend their financial plan on more vital things, such as public services and transportion. Furthermore, they firmly believe that the majority of books in those libraries are not updated, it usaully are imported once, due to its high transpotation cost.

To conclude and offer my position, there are convincing arguments on both sides. However, i certainly favor the latter opinion.

Word Count: 251

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

libraries: 7

public: 4

opinion: 4

believe: 3

internet: 3

their: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt by discussing both views and providing an opinion. However, the ideas presented lack clarity and could be more developed. For example, the points about internet cost and electricity could be linked more explicitly to the value of libraries. The arguments against libraries also need more support and specific examples. To improve, focus on providing clearer explanations and stronger evidence for each point.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates an attempt to organize ideas into paragraphs, but the connections between sentences and paragraphs could be strengthened. Transitions are present but sometimes feel abrupt. For example, the shift from discussing internet access to electricity costs in the second paragraph could be smoother. In the third paragraph, the connection between the cost of building libraries and the suggestion to spend on more vital things needs clearer articulation. To improve coherence, ensure each paragraph has a clear focus and that transitions logically connect ideas. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to guide the reader through your argument.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but there are instances where word choice could be more precise and natural. For example, 'some group of individuals' could be simplified to 'some people,' and 'vital things' could be more specific. To enhance lexical resource, focus on using synonyms and idiomatic expressions appropriately. Pay attention to collocations and ensure that the words you choose fit the context seamlessly. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay exhibits a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but grammatical errors are noticeable and impact clarity. Common errors include subject-verb agreement ('every citizens can access'), incorrect article usage ('the internet to be able to access'), and awkward phrasing ('it usaully are imported once'). To improve grammatical range and accuracy, focus on mastering basic grammar rules and proofread carefully for errors. Practice using a variety of sentence structures to express your ideas more effectively.

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