Positive And Negative

Band 6+: Task 2: In many parts of the world, famous people are regarded as role models and they have an increasing influence on the young. Is this a positive or negative development?

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Across the globe, celebrities are regarded as ‘role models’ as well as they are becoming highly influential on the young generation. I believe this is a positive development as this improves young people’s inspiration for ambition and success, and promotes healthy lifestyle.

First and foremost, celebrities play vital role in young people’s long run as they help to develop their inspiration to be successful. Most well-known personalities represent their own way on success, and stories of overcoming obstacles. This helps young peope believe in their own potential as they can build strong discipline and perseverance inspired by famous people. In addition, showing their own way improves trust in the young that they also can achieve their big goals and dreams despite the challenges and failures because humans are more likely to trust and be influenced by things they see or observe. As a result, young people consider celebrities as role models because visible success feels real and achievable.

Moreover, regarding influential icons as role models can be beneficial in promoting a healthy lifestyle. In modern life, a lot of famous people prefer showing their daily routines and exersices, which can be influential for individuals for being inspired by maintaining a healthy lifestyle. It is becoming easy to find videos filmed by well-known people, who are doing their morning exersices because they post this in social media, which is the most mainstream media that all young people sit. By this, they can raise awareness of mental, physical health as well as self-care. Furthermore, these role models can encourage young audiences to exersice more and regularly. As a result, as young people tend to imitate what they see celebrities can positively influence teenagers to become physically active.

In conclusion, I believe it is a positive development to view public figures as role models as they have high influeces on young audiences. They can be beneficial by encouraging young people to believe in themselves to achieve their goals and develop healthy lifestyle by showing their daily workouts and exersices.

Word Count: 336

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Overall Band Score

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Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

young: 11

their: 9

people: 7

celebrities: 4

believe: 4

healthy: 4

models: 4

influential: 3

success: 3

showing: 3

because: 3

lifestyle: 3

exersices: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay appropriately addresses the prompt and presents a clear and developed position. The ideas are relevant and supported with examples. There could be a bit more precision in some of the supporting ideas to push it to the next level. For example, in the second paragraph, you could provide a specific example of a celebrity and their story of overcoming obstacles. Also, ensure consistent use of articles (a, an, the) for improved clarity.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates a generally clear progression of ideas, but the connections between sentences and paragraphs could be strengthened. Transitions are sometimes weak or missing, making it slightly difficult to follow the argument at times. For example, in the second paragraph, the link between 'showing their own way' and 'improves trust' could be clearer. Consider using more explicit transition words and phrases to guide the reader through your reasoning. Also, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single, well-defined idea to improve coherence.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses an adequate range of vocabulary, but there are instances where word choice could be more precise and sophisticated. For example, 'play vital role' could be rephrased for greater impact. While the vocabulary is generally appropriate, expanding your lexical repertoire and using more nuanced language would enhance the essay. Focus on learning synonyms and collocations to express your ideas more effectively. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay exhibits a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but grammatical errors are noticeable and occasionally impede understanding. There are issues with article usage ('play vital role'), prepositional phrases, and sentence construction. While the overall meaning is usually clear, improving grammatical accuracy is essential. Review basic grammar rules and practice constructing more complex sentences correctly. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, correct tense usage, and appropriate punctuation.

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