Opinion

Band 6+: Task 2 It is impossible to help all people in the world, so the government should only focus on people in their own countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is thought that helping all disadvantageous people in the world is not possible, hence governments should focus their citizens. I completely disagree with this statement because nowadays people can be helped easily, and it is a moral responsibility of officials.

Reaching to all needy people across the world is extremely convenient. This is because of the relentless advancement of technology, any people can ask for help using mobile phones and social media. Therefore, they can be provided with financial assistance through an online payment method or materialistic goods using fright transports. For instance, during a Israel and phelistin war, people suffered from hunger issues. They posted reels about the situation on Instagram, and Iran sent food items though air transportation. Owing to technological innovations, global help is possible.

One reason for helping is that it is the ethical responsibility of governments. Every human has right to access basic needs, freedome, equality, and help so that they live peacefully and hurdle-free. If people suffer from disasters, causalities, or social abuses, helping them is not a charity event, it is an act of humanity. Consequently, this not only strengthens inernational relationships, but also promotes humanitarian. For example, the bond India and America has become stronger after America has ceasefired an India and Pakistan war.

In conclusion, I strongly disagree that officials should only assist their own residents rather than others because presently global reach has become easier due to technology, and it is a basic human ethical responsibility.

Word Count: 247

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Overall Band Score

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Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
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Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 6

helping: 3

because: 3

responsibility: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position. The ideas are relevant and supported with examples, but there could be more focus and precision in the development of these ideas. To improve, ensure that each point is thoroughly explained and directly linked back to the main argument. Also, proofread carefully to eliminate grammatical errors. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates a clear position and presents arguments to support it. However, the organization could be improved for better flow. Transitions between ideas within paragraphs could be smoother. For example, in the second paragraph, the connection between technology and the ability to provide financial assistance could be more explicitly stated. In the third paragraph, elaborate more on how helping others strengthens international relationships.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but some word choices are not entirely accurate or natural (e.g., "disadvantageous people," "fright transports," "phelistin war," "causalities"). Expanding your vocabulary and focusing on precise word usage would enhance the clarity and impact of your writing. Consider using a thesaurus to find more appropriate synonyms and pay attention to collocations.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains grammatical errors that affect clarity. Some examples include subject-verb agreement issues ("governments should focus their citizens"), incorrect article usage ("a Israel and phelistin war"), and awkward phrasing ("act of humanity"). Review basic grammar rules and sentence structures. Pay close attention to verb tenses, articles, and prepositions. Proofreading carefully for errors can significantly improve your score.

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