Opinion

Band 8+: There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work.

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Succeeding academically is viewed by most people as the top priority for school students, to the point that many argue that extracurricular subjects must not be included in the school syllabus.

Today’s students are constantly pressured to do well in school. Parents force their children to spend most of their time studying in order to improve their test scores. The reason they do so is because high grades in school, especially in subjects like maths and science, will help their children get accepted into reputed universities, which in turn would improve their qualifications to be offered a decent job and have a fruitful life. However, when it comes to the removal of non-academic subjects, I hold a different perspective.

What many fail to realise is that although these subjects do not hold much value academically, they are extremely valuable to students in numerous ways. Subjects such as cookery, enable students to be more independent as they will be able to cook and feed themselves – a skill that many adults lack. In addition to providing valuable life skills, other classes such as physical education, pottery and sewing, are considered by most students as an escape from academic stress. Moreover, such subjects encourage the pursuation of various new hobbies.

Such subjects must not be viewed as ‘a waste of time’. I acknowledge that academics are important for a stable career, however to live everyday life as a human being, the skills and peace of mind that one aquires through extracurriculars are inevitable. In conclusion, I strongly believe a balance must be maintained between the two so that students may grow up to be successful and self reliant adults.

Word Count: 277

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

subjects: 7

students: 6

their: 5

school: 4

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay provides a highly effective response to the prompt. The writer presents a clear and consistent position throughout the text, moving from an acknowledgment of the pressure for academic success to a well-reasoned argument for the inclusion of non-academic subjects. The ideas are logically organized, relevant, and well-extended with specific examples (e.g., cookery for independence and PE for stress relief). The conclusion effectively reinforces the central thesis of maintaining a balance. To maintain this level of quality, ensure that the transition between the acknowledgment of the opposing view and your own perspective remains seamless, as you have done here.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay is very well-structured and easy to follow. You have used a logical progression of ideas, moving from the context of academic pressure to your counter-argument and finally to a balanced conclusion. Paragraphing is used effectively to separate different stages of your argument. To reach a higher level, you could use even more sophisticated cohesive devices to link sentences within paragraphs, ensuring the transition between the 'reason for pressure' and your 'rebuttal' is even more seamless.

Lexical Resource

You demonstrate a strong range of vocabulary, using terms like 'reputed universities', 'fruitful life', and 'pursuit of various new hobbies' appropriately. The vocabulary is natural and helps convey your meaning clearly. There are minor spelling errors (e.g., 'pursuation' instead of 'pursuit' and 'aquires' instead of 'acquires') and a slight misuse of the word 'inevitable' (where 'essential' or 'indispensable' would be more accurate in context). Refining these small errors will elevate the lexical precision. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay shows a good command of complex sentence structures, such as the use of relative clauses ('which in turn would improve...') and concessive clauses ('although these subjects...'). Most sentences are error-free and contribute to the flow of the argument. To improve, pay close attention to minor punctuation and spelling to ensure that the grammatical accuracy is consistent throughout the entire piece.

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