Discussion

Band 5+: With the rise of personalized medicine, some argue that healthcare resources should be primarily allocated to preventative genetic testing, while others believe that resources should continue to focus on treating existing illnesses. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays, personalized medicine has become increasingly common, some individuals claim that high-medicine should focus on preventative genetic testing, while other section of people think that medicine should continue to concentrate on treating various illnesses. In my opinion, healthcare resources have to primarily allocated on treating existing illnesses, since there are huge number of illnesses that not have solutions. In addition, I think concentrating on genetic testing may lead to some global problems like pandemic.

In recent years, some scientists argue that due to personalized medicine, high-medicine has to pay attention to genetic testing. Whereas, because of various genetic testing there might be appear different possibilities for future. For instance, new hybrid of animal which can provide lots of benefits to individuals, can be one of the global news and provide new opportunities.

However, in the other hand, another section of community claim that rather than genetic testing, healthcare resources should continue to focus on treating existing illnesses. They believe that, first of all, scientists should solve other issues, before starting another. Moreover, finding a treat to impossible illnesses, can expand life expectancy and increase the demographic rate. For instance, make cancer treatment may ensure a big global new and a second chance to other million people to live.

To sum up, in the debate between two beliefs about the correct direction of healthcare resources, I believe that concentrating on treating existing illnesses is the best option. Nevertheless, I think allocating to genetic testing may lead to global issues, so create a treatment is the best idea for individuals and the world.

Word Count: 261

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

genetic: 6

testing: 6

illnesses: 6

should: 4

other: 4

treating: 4

global: 4

medicine: 3

individuals: 3

think: 3

healthcare: 3

resources: 3

existing: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt by discussing both views on resource allocation in healthcare. A position is presented, but the reasoning behind the opinion could be clearer and more directly linked to the arguments presented. The ideas are relevant but lack depth and clarity in places. To improve, ensure that your arguments are fully developed with clear explanations and specific examples that directly support your claims. Also, focus on making the connections between your arguments and your overall opinion more explicit.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates some organization, but the flow of ideas is not always smooth. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be improved to enhance coherence. For example, the connection between the potential benefits of genetic testing and the argument for preventative genetic testing is not clearly established. Consider using more explicit transition words and phrases to guide the reader through your argument.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary, and some word choices are not entirely appropriate ('high-medicine,' 'section of people'). There are also instances of imprecise language ('various illnesses,' 'global problems'). To improve, try to use more specific and varied vocabulary related to healthcare, genetics, and resource allocation. Focus on using synonyms and paraphrasing to demonstrate a wider lexical range. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains several grammatical errors, including incorrect verb tenses, subject-verb agreement issues, and awkward sentence structures. For example, 'healthcare resources have to primarily allocated' and 'make cancer treatment may ensure' are grammatically incorrect. To improve, focus on reviewing basic grammar rules and practicing sentence construction. Pay attention to verb tenses, articles, and prepositions. Proofread carefully to identify and correct errors.

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