Discussion

Band 7+: WRITING TASK 2 You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Some people think that schools are too competitive and that this has a negative impact on children. Others believe the competitive environment encourages children to achieve. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 2 50 words.

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Competitiveness creates a fierce environment anywhere, so it is only normal for it to be generated between kids, as it is a primal instinct to humans. This launched a debate between parents all over the world; some people encourage their children to be competitive, but others are afraid of the negative impacts it has on kids. Prospectively, I believe that as long as it stays healthy and does not turn into hatred and generate anger between kids, it is better to spark some heat between children to encourage them to be the best versions of themselves as they grow up.

Encouraging competitiveness can lead to stellar results; kids are continuously trying to one-up their friends, becoming top of their school year. Kids can be unexpected and surprising, as they might figure out and discover their talents if they tried to. Competitiveness can increase the children’s desire to work harder, hoping to reach the top of the mountain, and learn from a young age that hard work will pay off with greater results.

Although all of this sounds great, competitiveness can enroll a lot of pressure on an adult, so imagining this heavy burden on a child, it can reach extreme measures. Children are always trying to show off their skills to others, so when put in a competitive environment, it can be hardcore. Reaching the top might be extremely hard, and that can become a reason for children to feel weak in the presence of their parents; the results of this can be a child becoming depressed. Competitiveness can initiate fights between kids; due to their young age, they might not be able to comprehend the definition of being competitive.

Overall, the advantages can be very desirable, but it might come at the cost of the child’s mental health.

Word Count: 299

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Overall Band Score

7.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 7

competitiveness: 5

between: 5

children: 4

might: 4

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument and providing a clear opinion. The ideas are relevant, but the support and examples could be more specific and developed. To improve, focus on providing more concrete examples and elaborating on the potential negative impacts of competitiveness on children's mental health. Also, ensure a clearer focus and precision in supporting ideas throughout the essay.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay is generally well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The ideas are presented in a logical sequence, and the use of cohesive devices helps to connect the sentences and paragraphs. However, there are instances where the transitions could be smoother to enhance the overall flow of the essay. For example, in the third paragraph, the transition from the positive aspects of competitiveness to its potential negative impacts could be more explicit. Consider using transitional phrases like 'On the other hand' or 'However' to signal a shift in perspective more clearly.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, and the word choices are generally appropriate for the topic. There is evidence of an attempt to use more sophisticated language, such as 'stellar results' and 'one-up their friends.' However, there are also instances where the vocabulary could be more precise or nuanced. For example, 'enroll a lot of pressure' could be rephrased as 'place significant pressure.' To further enhance the lexical resource, consider incorporating more idiomatic expressions or less common synonyms to convey your ideas with greater precision and impact. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar, with a variety of sentence structures used effectively. There are very few grammatical errors, and the punctuation is generally accurate. The sentences are clear and easy to understand, and the overall writing style is fluent. To further improve the grammatical range, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures, such as conditional sentences or embedded clauses, to add depth and sophistication to your writing. However, ensure that these structures are used correctly and do not compromise the clarity of your writing.

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