Opinion

Band 6+: More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people suggest that the solution to this problem is to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree? You should write at least 250 words.

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Note: Both the topic and the essay were created by one of our users.

In today’s rapidly changing world, an increasing number of people face health problems such as obesity or diabetes due to unhealthy lifestyles. However, others believe the primary solution to address this issue is to increase the price of high-calorie food to limit the food consumption of these people. From my perspective, I strongly agree with this action because it is the best way to reduce the consumption of unhealthy food.

On the one hand, the price of food is a main factor affecting individuals’ decision-making. Food with a high cost may be difficult to buy and consume compared to lower-priced options. Even though the former requires several steps to prepare and needs a lot of high-quality ingredients compared to the latter. People tend to consume food which is convenient and quick to prepare, so fast food with an affordable price is an ideal option for them. Furthermore, the increasing price of junk food can prevent people from these unhealthy habits. As a result, if the price is too expensive, it can influence their ability to pay for daily meals.

On the other hand, there are numerous people who eat high-calorie food because of its taste and convenience. For instance, when people are struggling with work or studying, they don’t have enough time to wait for a whole meal, but when it comes to junk food, it is simple and enough for a meal. Therefore, the price is not the considered problem which they can face. In addition, fast food is always easy to find, and people are relaxed when they are eating those foods as it boosts dopamine when consuming them.

In essence, I believe that increasing the price of unhealthy food will change the way people access food, help them pay more attention to healthy food, or give them more motivation to eat at home. Unhealthy food damages individuals’ health as it leads to overweight or heart disease, so people should consume healthy food to maintain a healthy lifestyle and protect our health. Finally, I completely agree that increasing the price of fattening food should be an ideal decision.

Word Count: 350

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Overall Band Score

6.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 9

price: 8

unhealthy: 5

increasing: 4

health: 3

consume: 3

healthy: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt and presents a clear position throughout the response. The writer's stance - that increasing prices is an effective solution - is consistent. The ideas are relevant, though the development of the second body paragraph is slightly contradictory to the overall thesis. While the first body paragraph explains why price affects choice, the second paragraph discusses why some people might ignore price due to convenience and dopamine, which slightly weakens the argument for why price hikes are the 'best' solution. To improve, ensure that even when discussing counter-arguments or complexities, you explicitly link them back to your main position (e.g., by explaining how price hikes could eventually overcome the convenience factor). Additionally, refining the logical flow between sentences would help in providing more precise support for your claims.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas within paragraphs could be smoother. For instance, in the first body paragraph, the sentence starting with 'Even though...' is a fragment and lacks a main clause, which disrupts the logical flow. To improve, ensure that every sentence is a complete thought and use a wider variety of cohesive devices (e.g., 'consequently', 'notwithstanding', 'conversely') to link ideas more naturally rather than relying heavily on 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand'.

Lexical Resource

You have used a good range of topic-specific vocabulary, such as 'high-calorie food', 'unhealthy lifestyles', 'dopamine', and 'obesity'. The vocabulary is generally appropriate for the task. To reach a higher band, try to avoid repetition (e.g., using 'unhealthy food' multiple times) by employing synonyms like 'nutritiously poor options', 'processed foods', or 'junk food'. Additionally, aim for more sophisticated collocations to express complex ideas more precisely. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. However, there are several grammatical inaccuracies that hinder the professional tone. Specifically, there are issues with sentence fragments (sentences that cannot stand alone) and some awkward phrasing (e.g., 'the price is not the considered problem which they can face'). Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and the use of subordinating conjunctions to ensure that complex sentences are grammatically complete. Practicing the use of relative clauses and conditional sentences will help increase your grammatical range.

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Band 6+: More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people suggest that the solution to this problem is to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree? You should write at least 250 words.

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Generate A Band-9 Sample With Your Idea?

Overall Band Score

Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Essays On The Same Topic:

More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people suggest that the solution to this problem is to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree? You should write at least 250 words.

More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people suggest that the solution to this problem is to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree? You should write at least 250 words.

More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people suggest that the solution to this problem is to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree? You should write at least 250 words.

More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people suggest that the solution to this problem is to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree? You should write at least 250 words.

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Check Your Own Essay On This Topic?

Generate A Band-9 Sample With Your Idea?

Overall Band Score

Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

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