Discussion

Band 5+: Discipline is an ever increasing problem in modern schools. Some people think that discipline should be the responsibilty of teachers while others think that this is the role of parents Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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Task 2:

In today’s modern world, a growing number of people believe that discipline should be the responsibility of teachers, while others deem that this is the role of parents. This essay will discuss both views before explaining why I believe teachers should play the main role in maintaining discipline.

One of the primary reasons is that children spend much more time at school with their teachers than at home, because their parents work hard to educate their children in the best school for their convenience. As a result, they are busy with work and do not have time to spend with their children. This is particularly evident in Central Asia, parents not only keep their children busy at school but also send them to other courses such as mathematic, sport or English, because they have to work, and then demand results from training and education centers.

Another significant point is that many individuals think that discipline should be the responsibility of parents, because of that, parents play a crucial role in teaching children good manners and respect from an early age. This is largely due to the fact that children are more likely to follow rules taught by their children and this helps them spend time together. For instance, nowadays, many parents are becoming less interested in their children’s education, so they need to dedicate more time with their children and do lessons together again. In addition, they should pay attention to their children’s upbringing.

Taking everything into account, discipline is an ever increasing problem in contemporary schools. Discipline should be responsibility of teachers, but others strongly believe that this is role of their parents. Personally, I am strongly convinced that education should be responsibility of teachers because learners spend a lot of time at school with their teachers.

Word Count: 300

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 12

children: 8

parents: 7

should: 6

teachers: 6

discipline: 4

responsibility: 4

spend: 4

school: 4

because: 4

believe: 3

education: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt and presents a clear position. However, the development of ideas is somewhat inconsistent. In the first body paragraph, the argument focuses more on why parents are busy rather than directly explaining why this makes discipline the teacher's responsibility. In the second body paragraph, there is a logical error where it states 'children are more likely to follow rules taught by their children,' which likely meant 'parents.' Additionally, some ideas are repetitive, particularly in the conclusion. To improve, ensure that every sentence directly supports the central argument of the paragraph and check for logical consistency in your examples. Aim to expand on the 'how' and 'why' to provide more depth to your supporting points.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs for both sides, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas within paragraphs could be smoother. Some cohesive devices are used, but there is a tendency to use repetitive structures. To improve, ensure that each sentence flows logically into the next by using more varied linking words (e.g., 'Furthermore', 'Conversely', 'Consequently') and avoid starting sentences with 'This is' too frequently. The connection between the example of Central Asia and the main argument about teacher responsibility could be more explicitly stated to strengthen the logical link.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is adequate to convey the message, and there is an attempt to use academic phrasing such as 'contemporary schools' and 'primary reasons'. However, there is some repetition of words like 'children', 'teachers', and 'responsibility'. To reach a higher band, try to use more synonyms (e.g., 'pupils', 'educators', 'accountability', 'upbringing') and more sophisticated collocations. Be careful with word choice in phrases like 'do lessons together', which would be more naturally expressed as 'study together' or 'supervise their studies'. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, but there are frequent grammatical errors that occasionally hinder clarity. Specifically, there are issues with article usage (e.g., 'should be responsibility of teachers' instead of 'should be the responsibility of teachers') and subject-verb agreement/logic (e.g., 'rules taught by their children' - it should be 'rules taught by their parents'). There are also some run-on sentences and comma splices. Focus on mastering the use of definite and indefinite articles and ensuring that the subject of your sentence matches the intended meaning.

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