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Band 5+: Parents should encourage children to spend more time studying or more time doing physical activities

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In this contemporary, it is undeniable that for children few things are more crucial than physical activities . However, parents should motivate their children to devote not only less time to academic studies but also more time to physical activities . I strongly agree with this perspective as it is clear and direct . This essay will explore this viewpoint in detail.

The first argument in favor of this view is that it will develop children’s extra curricular activities . Consequently, participating in sports and other activities allows them to make new friends and improve their social skills and they can learn teamwork , communication, and leadership,which are essential for their future careers and personal lives.Moreover, it will assist them to keep fit and mentally fresh. When children have enough time for doing physical exercise, which can improve their immune system and strengthen their bones .

In addition, doing physical activities more is beneficial for children to build social connections and develop networking skills. When they participate in any physical activities that time children get opportunities to meet new people, which will help them to create good bonding with them. Furthermore , children can balance their work and study place at a time and they can learn how to work in teams. Also, they will be concerned about how to manage their time effectively .

In conclusion, considering the factors discussed above, I firmly agree that parents should encourage their children to spend more time on physical activities .

Word Count: 249

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 8

children: 7

activities: 7

physical: 6

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position, but the development of ideas is limited and repetitive. The main issue is that the second body paragraph largely repeats the points made in the first body paragraph (social skills, teamwork, and meeting new people) without introducing new dimensions of the argument. While the writer identifies benefits like physical health and social skills, these ideas are not sufficiently extended or supported with specific examples. To improve, you should ensure that each body paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the topic. For example, one paragraph could focus on the physical and mental health benefits, while the second could focus on the social and character-building benefits. Avoid repeating the same ideas in different words. Additionally, try to expand on 'why' and 'how' these benefits occur to provide more depth to your arguments. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there is significant repetition in the ideas presented. The first body paragraph discusses social skills and teamwork, and the second body paragraph repeats almost the exact same points regarding social connections and teamwork. To improve, each paragraph should focus on a distinct supporting idea (e.g., one paragraph for physical health and another for social/mental development). Additionally, some cohesive devices are used, but the logical flow is interrupted by fragmented sentences.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is functional but quite limited and repetitive. Phrases like 'physical activities' and 'children' are used excessively. To reach a higher band, try to use synonyms such as 'recreational pursuits,' 'sedentary lifestyle,' 'adolescents,' or 'juveniles.' There are also some awkward collocations, such as 'develop children's extra curricular activities' (one develops skills, not activities) and 'balance their work and study place,' which does not convey a clear meaning. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are several grammatical issues that hinder clarity. A major issue is the use of sentence fragments, such as: 'When children have enough time for doing physical exercise, which can improve their immune system and strengthen their bones.' This is a dependent clause acting as a full sentence. There are also errors in word choice and phrasing, such as 'In this contemporary' (which is an adjective, not a noun) and 'that time children get opportunities.' Focus on mastering complex sentence structures and ensuring that every sentence has a clear subject and a main verb.

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