Positive And Negative

Band 4+: Q. These days, more fathers stay at home and take care of their children, while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Is this a positive or negative development?

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In recent years, many fathers take in a charge of caring their children at home, while mothers work for their family. There are a lot of hidden reasons such as government support and family preferences. Moreover, there are many positive and negative developments. In this essay, these reasons behind this trend will discuss and share how I believe this development as either positive or negative.

In this society, numerous women work for their family compared to the past. This is no longer the issue that people can find on breaking news. For instance, In the past, working outside for family members was considered as men’s field. In contract, nowadays, government promotes women’s labor and this influences good tax reduction for companies as well. As a result, companies start to hire more on women. Equally important, either mothers or fathers work for their family, this is because of family preference. No matter on genders, one of parents should take care of their kids. This is their obligations which never negotiate. For this reason, family preference can be one of the strong factors.

From my perspective, working mom can be positive influences in society, leading gender equality. In the past, only men offer labors in work place. we can still find many higher level in jobplace were men.

Word Count: 216

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

family: 7

their: 6

positive: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt by discussing reasons for the trend and offering a perspective on whether it's positive or negative. However, the ideas presented lack clarity and sufficient development. The essay could benefit from more specific examples and a clearer articulation of the positive and negative aspects of the trend. The conclusion is also missing. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay's organization is somewhat unclear, and the transitions between ideas could be smoother. The introduction attempts to outline the essay's structure, but it lacks precision. The body paragraphs touch on reasons and impacts but lack depth and clear connections between ideas. To improve coherence, use clearer topic sentences, transitional phrases, and ensure each paragraph focuses on a single, well-developed idea. For cohesion, vary your use of cohesive devices and ensure they logically connect your sentences and paragraphs.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is basic and sometimes inaccurate ('take in a charge of caring'). There's a lack of sophisticated vocabulary to express ideas precisely. To improve, focus on learning synonyms and collocations related to the topic. Pay attention to using the correct form of words and avoiding overly simplistic language. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including incorrect verb tenses, subject-verb agreement issues, and awkward sentence structures. There are also issues with punctuation. To improve, focus on mastering basic grammar rules and sentence structures. Practice writing simple sentences correctly before attempting more complex structures. Proofread carefully for errors.

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