Opinion

Band 5+: Question: Some people believe that it is a good idea that older people continue to work if it is possible for them to do. Do you agree or disagree?

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Many people believe that continuing to work beyond retirement age is beneficial, if it is feasible for them to do so. I strongly support this idea, since working help prevent from boredom, and support to stay healthy.

There are some drawbacks in this idea. Firstly, in old age there are some problems with health. With age physical and mental health opportunities might decrease, therefore it can lead to stress, fatigue and problems with health. Secondly, after many times of labor people want to relax and give more attention to their personal life, and working may be extra responsibility. Additionally, it is declining job opportunities for young people, If older workers remain in the labor market longer, younger workers may have a harder time finding work and developing their careers.

On the other hand, I believe that working in old age might be beneficial for people. Working prevent from boredom, at old age people become an introvert and a mental disorder will occur, if people stay at home for a long time. Moreover, when people stay at home for a long time, they develop various diseases as a result of less movement. In addition, older people will not become a burden to their own children because they also have their own families, and sometimes there are situations when children find it difficult to support their parents.

In conclusion, despite some disadvantages, I believe that working beyond retirement age can be beneficial. It helps older people stay active, healthy, and financially independent if they are able to continue working.

Word Count: 257

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 9

working: 6

their: 5

believe: 3

beneficial: 3

support: 3

health: 3

older: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt and presents a clear position that is maintained throughout the response. The writer acknowledges the counterarguments (drawbacks) before reinforcing their own stance, which provides a balanced view. However, the development of ideas could be more precise. For instance, the claim that elderly people 'become an introvert' is a bit of an overgeneralization and lacks nuance; using terms like 'social isolation' would be more academically appropriate. To improve, focus on extending your arguments with more specific examples and ensuring that the logical progression between sentences is smoother. Additionally, pay attention to grammatical accuracy regarding subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'working help prevent' should be 'working helps prevent') to ensure the clarity of your ideas is not undermined.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs addressing both sides, and a conclusion. However, the transition between ideas within paragraphs could be smoother. Some cohesive devices are used correctly (e.g., 'Firstly', 'Secondly', 'On the other hand'), but the progression of ideas in the second paragraph feels slightly disjointed because the counter-arguments are presented without a strong introductory sentence to signal the shift in perspective. To improve, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea of that section.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is adequate to convey the message, and there is an attempt to use topic-specific terms like 'labor market', 'financially independent', and 'retirement age'. However, there is some repetition and imprecise word choices (e.g., 'health opportunities might decrease' instead of 'health may decline', or 'working prevent from boredom' instead of 'working prevents boredom'). To reach a higher band, aim for more precise collocations and a wider variety of synonyms to avoid repeating words like 'people' and 'work' too frequently. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but grammatical errors are frequent and occasionally impede the flow of reading. Common issues include subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'working help' instead of 'working helps'), incorrect preposition usage (e.g., 'prevent from boredom'), and awkward phrasing (e.g., 'it is declining job opportunities'). There are also issues with sentence fragments and punctuation. Focus on mastering basic subject-verb agreement and the correct use of gerunds as subjects to improve accuracy.

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