Discussion

Band 6+: Some people believe that children should spend more time on academic subjects such as mathematics and science, while others think that creative subjects like art and music are just as important. Discuss both views and aive vour own opinion.

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Some people argue that educational institutions should focus more on academic subjects such as chemistry and physics, whereas others believe that subjects such as foreign languages and art can have a significant effect on pupils’ critical thinking.

I strongly believe that schools should educate their students by combining both types of subjects because it can dramatically increase students’ critical thinking.

On the one hand, the importance of academic subjects such as math and physics is understandable because schools want to show students how the world works. For example, math includes formulas and tasks which can easily increase logical thinking in students and help with career growth in future, while physics can educate day-to-day life for student. For instance, technical discovers that were made by physicians which we use today or even cars that can be least essential because we use in our daily routine .

On the other hand, other subjects also have their crucial part of teaching pupils. Sometimes art or music can be beneficial for student’s mental health and can help them to reduce their stress, while other types of creative subjects such as Manual training can promote the growth of cognitive thinking in the pupil.

In conclusion, although academic subjects are essential and can take most of the time from youngsters, creative subjects can help them to spend rest of their time by reducing their stress. Combined curriculum that includes both areas of educating will be the most strongest and effective way to support upcoming generation.

Word Count: 249

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

subjects: 8

their: 5

academic: 3

physics: 3

students: 3

because: 3

other: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views and providing a clear opinion. The ideas are relevant, but the support and examples could be more precise and clearly linked to the arguments. To improve, focus on developing each point more fully with specific examples and explanations. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates an attempt to discuss both views and provide an opinion, but the organization could be improved for better clarity. The ideas are somewhat connected, but the transitions between them could be smoother. For example, the connection between the examples in the first body paragraph and the main point could be made more explicit. In the second body paragraph, elaborating on how manual training promotes cognitive thinking would strengthen the argument. The conclusion summarizes the main points, but it could offer a more nuanced perspective.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but there are instances where the word choice could be more precise and natural. For example, 'technical discovers that were made by physicians' could be rephrased for better clarity and accuracy. Expanding the range of vocabulary related to education and critical thinking would enhance the essay.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are noticeable grammatical errors that affect clarity. Errors such as subject-verb agreement issues ('physics can educate day-to-day life for student') and incorrect article usage ('the most strongest') need to be addressed. Proofreading carefully for these types of errors would improve the overall grammatical accuracy.

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