Discussion

Band 5+: Some people feel that paparazzi should not follow celebrities and invade their privacy by taking pictures of them everywhere, while others believe this is just the price of fame. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Note: Both the topic and the essay were created by one of our users.

Some people feel that paparazzi should not follow celebrities because they have personal lives. People always follow the celebrities and take individual photos. I will discuss or elaborate in detail with examples.

On the one hand, celebrities have some space; they’re always busy in life. They want space, so they take holidays, but the public always follows the celebrities. Sometimes they ignore the media or journalists, on some occasions. Sometimes they hype to the media for taking a personal photo. For example, they spend time with their girlfriend. Many celebrities avoid social media.

On the other hand, the Media shares this photo, shares the magazine and the celebrities’ troll news. It is very bad for the celebrities. Nobody wants this to happen in their life. Some celebrities give news to the media. They want to be always famous all over.

I do not agree with the second type of mindset in society. I agreed that a person who may be a politician or a celebrity has to live their normal life in public or in their privacy. No one has to right to follow them everywhere and take pictures of them. There is a case I heard about that of a famous political member of our National Assembly who was killed on the road by a culprit who followed him and note his daily routine. Killer getsnoted his daily routine and takes pictures of everywhere he visits.

In Conclusion, according to my opinion, celebrities want some space and privacy for their life; they also want freedom, but people also follow him or her for the breaking news.

Word Count: 267

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

celebrities: 8

their: 5

follow: 4

always: 4

media: 4

people: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument and providing an opinion. However, the development of ideas is limited and lacks sufficient detail. The examples provided are not always clear or well-integrated into the arguments. To improve, focus on providing more specific and detailed examples to support your points. Also, ensure that your arguments are clearly linked to the topic and that your position is consistently maintained throughout the essay.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates some organization, but the progression of ideas is not always clear. Paragraphing is present, but could be used more effectively to separate distinct points. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs are often weak or absent, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. For example, the connection between the celebrities taking holidays and the public following them needs to be clearer. To improve coherence, focus on using clear topic sentences for each paragraph and transitional phrases to link ideas logically.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary, and there is some inaccuracy in word choice. For example, 'hype to the media' is not a natural expression. There is also repetition of words like 'follow' and 'celebrities.' To improve lexical resource, try to use synonyms and a wider range of vocabulary related to the topic. Pay attention to the correct usage of words and collocations. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains a number of grammatical errors, including incorrect verb tenses, subject-verb agreement issues, and incorrect use of articles. Sentence structure is often simple and repetitive. For example, 'People always follow the celebrities and take individual photos' could be rephrased for better clarity and complexity. To improve grammatical range and accuracy, focus on using a variety of sentence structures and reviewing basic grammar rules. Proofreading carefully for errors is also essential.

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