Letter

Band 4+: You are in charge of organizing a team-building event for your colleagues and need to make arrangements with a suitable venue. Write a letter to the event manager at the venue outlining your requirements. You should include details about: - the purpose and date of the event - the number of attendees and the type of activities you want to include - your budget and any specific catering or equipment needs

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Dear Sir,

I am writing this letter for requesting to you, we are 7 people and we want to play a match of vollyball in the Surrey activity centre. On the april 8 we decided to play our match with other team.

Other team is also ready but we need permission first from Surrey activity centre then we can plain further. Moreover, we also played state level competiton last weekend in our school ground and got the second prize.

Furthermore, please arrange some chairs for the audience as well as for the annoucments we need mice with speaker. Our match will be on Monday, we will back home after 4 pm so we want to play night match, so we need lights in the ground. We will wait for your response.

Thanks

Akash

Word Count: 133

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
A2 - Upper Beginner
Consider using more varied and advanced words.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

match: 4

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The letter addresses the task by mentioning the number of participants, a preferred date, and the desired activity. However, some information is irrelevant (e.g., details about a previous competition). The letter could be improved by focusing more directly on the specific requirements for the activity and ensuring all points are clearly and concisely addressed. The letter falls short of the required 150 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The letter lacks clear organization and logical flow. The purpose of the letter is somewhat understandable, but the progression of ideas is disjointed. The letter jumps between different topics without clear transitions, making it difficult to follow. For example, the mention of a state-level competition seems irrelevant to the main request. Improve the structure by clearly stating the request, providing necessary details, and concluding with a clear expectation of a response. Use cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is basic and limited, which restricts the ability to express ideas precisely. There are instances of inappropriate word choice. For example, 'mice' should be 'microphone'. Expand your vocabulary related to event planning and sports activities. Use a thesaurus to find more appropriate and varied words. Focus on using vocabulary that is specific to the context of arranging an event at an activity center.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The letter contains frequent grammatical errors that impede understanding. There are issues with verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure. For example, 'requesting to you' should be 'requesting from you' or 'to request'. 'Vollyball' should be 'volleyball'. 'Plain further' should be 'plan further'. Focus on improving basic grammar skills, including sentence structure, verb tenses, and article usage. Proofread carefully to identify and correct errors.

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