Cause And Solution

Band 4+: overfishing of the world's oceans threatens many species of with extinction and is putting the livelihood of millions of people around the world at risk. What are the causes of this problem and what can be done to prevent it from happening?

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Overfishing of the global oceans endangers numerous species of extinction and is putting the livelihood of millions of individuals around the globe at danger.

the are two main reasons behind the problem of everfishing .First, a big issue is illegal fishing. When individuals fish in areas that are banned or illegal methods, they can catch many fish and the fish stock cannot recover. The another reason is unlimited fishing. Some companies often catch more fish to meet demand. This affects decline of fish in the ocean.

To solve the overfishing problem, goverments, consumers and international groups must work together. The firs solution is to apply stricter punishments. Goverment needs to use better motoring system to watching fishing boats in international waters. They must also give bigger fines to those who fish illegally. The second solution is to be aware of which fish species are declining. If people buy fish with sustainable methods, it will help to encrease the fish stock.

In conclusion, overfishing is a complex problem caused by mainly illegal activities and increasing the global demand for fish. So, we can protect our marine life with stronger laws and responsible consumer choices.

Word Count: 193

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

overfishing: 3

problem: 3

illegal: 3

fishing: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt by discussing the causes and solutions to overfishing. A position is presented, but the ideas lack clarity and sufficient development. To improve, provide more specific examples and elaborate on the potential impact of each cause and solution. For instance, when discussing illegal fishing, mention specific illegal methods and their consequences. When suggesting stricter punishments, explain how these punishments would deter illegal fishing activities. Also, ensure a clearer and more logical flow of ideas within each paragraph. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs addressing causes and solutions, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas within paragraphs could be improved. Transitions between sentences and ideas are sometimes abrupt, making it harder for the reader to follow the argument effortlessly. For example, the transition between the two reasons for overfishing could be smoother. Consider using cohesive devices like 'furthermore' or 'in addition' to link ideas more effectively. Also, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single, well-defined idea to enhance coherence.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary, and there are instances of imprecise word choice (e.g., 'everfishing,' 'motoring system,' 'encrease'). Expanding your vocabulary and using more precise language would improve the clarity and impact of your writing. Focus on learning synonyms and collocations related to the topic of overfishing and environmental conservation. For example, instead of 'big issue,' you could use 'significant problem' or 'major concern.' Instead of 'motoring system', consider 'monitoring system'. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity. These include incorrect articles ('the are,' 'the another'), subject-verb agreement issues ('Goverment needs'), and incorrect verb forms ('watching fishing boats'). There are also issues with sentence structure and punctuation. To improve, focus on reviewing basic grammar rules, particularly those related to articles, verb tenses, and subject-verb agreement. Practice writing simple and compound sentences correctly before attempting more complex structures. Proofread carefully for errors in punctuation and sentence structure.

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