Opinion

Band 6+: Parents should encourage their children to spend more time doing activities than studying. Agree&Disagree

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Few topics have generated as much as debate as importance of time spent on studying, with some arguing that it should be allocated doing physical tasks intead. Although I admit education plays integral role in child’s development, engaging children in sports is benefial for healthy lifestyle and refreshed mind.

Granted, there are understandable reasons why some parents encourage their children to develop academic skills only. Chief among them is the fact that students can go to prestigious universities. Usually top colleges require academic achievements such as high GPA, certificates of different olympiads. Therefore students and their parents try their utmost to get academic validation as much as possible. For example, in order to achieve an offer from Harvard, students should get perfect SAT score, high GPA from their previous institution and top place in different academic competition. Of greater importance potential career prospects. Academic brilliance allows students to get hired in rewarding jobs with higher potential of job stability. Long-term secured position offer people to enjoy a comfortable standard of living and provide their family, which is the lifelong goal of many people.

Plausible as these arguments may seem, I remain convinced that academic skills alone is not the measurement of successful life. To begin with, physical activities help children cope with the pressure caused by academics. Long hours of studying session can drain students and may give rise to academic burnout. This, in turn, can lead to loss of motivation towards life. For instance, an hour of walking may help cardiovascular system work efficiently and may give a break to the brain after classes. Another important point to mention is that sports enable children to grow healthy with strong immune system. As a result children may get sick very rarely and do not follow the sedentery lifestyle which is the main contributor of obesity and chronic backpain.

To sum up, although academic skills are essential to get high quality education and career progression, I remain convinced that sport is a bit as important as cognitive abilities. Not only does it promote healthy lifestyle but also help to get rid of the pressure caused by academics

Word Count: 356

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Overall Band Score

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Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

academic: 8

children: 5

their: 5

students: 5

healthy: 3

lifestyle: 3

skills: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt and presents a clear position on the value of physical activities for children. Ideas are relevant and supported with examples, such as the benefits for health and stress relief. However, the response could be more precise in directly addressing the specific suggestion of spending *less time on studying* and more on physical activities. The discussion leans towards the importance of both, which slightly dilutes the focus on the proposed shift in time allocation. To improve, explicitly state your extent of agreement or disagreement with the reduction of study time, and ensure that each body paragraph clearly ties back to this central point. Additionally, proofreading for minor language errors (e.g., 'benefial', 'sedentery') would enhance clarity.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear overall structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear connections between sentences. For example, the transition from the first body paragraph to the second could be smoother. The use of cohesive devices is present but not always natural, and some paragraphs could be better developed with clearer topic sentences. To improve, focus on using a wider range of linking words and phrases more naturally, and ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea that is fully explained.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with some effective use of less common words such as 'prestigious', 'validation', 'sedentary', and 'burnout'. However, there are several errors in word choice and collocation (e.g., 'as much as debate', 'benefial', 'intead', 'sedentery', 'backpain'). These errors sometimes make the meaning unclear. To improve, pay closer attention to spelling and word forms, and try to use vocabulary more precisely and naturally. Reading more academic texts can help build a stronger lexical resource.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay attempts a range of sentence structures, including complex sentences, but there are frequent grammatical errors that affect clarity. Issues include subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'academic skills alone is not'), incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'children should spend less time on studying'), missing articles (e.g., 'plays integral role'), and punctuation errors. These errors are noticeable and sometimes make the essay difficult to follow. To improve, focus on mastering basic grammar rules, such as subject-verb agreement and article usage, and practice writing more accurately before attempting complex structures.

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