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Band 6+: The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to begin to fall over the next 50 years. By 2030 it is estimated that over one third of the population in most developed countries will be aged 65 and over. What effects will these predictions have on developed countries if they prove true? What can be done now to deal with this situation?

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It is assumed that, in most developed countries, the number of births will decline and one third of the population will be aged 65 and over. This essay will discuss this subject and will give some solutions,

On the one hand, if the number of births will decline in most developed countries and the number of 65 and over will increase, it will create some problems. Firstly, it will impact technology development. Today, technology is advancing day by day, and most of the people doing this are young, that is why technology development will decrease. Since, young people are more agile and astute. Secondly, the number of employees will decrease, because, elderly people after a certain age start to retire, and after this time they stop working.

On the other hand, there are several ways to solve these problems. If the government works on the development of robots now, robots can develop technology in the future. Robots also may solve other problems, for instance, they may replace waiters, taxi drivers in the future. Thanks to this, the labor shortage problem can be solved. In addition, if the government will increase the retirement age, elderly people can stay in the workplace longer. Moreover, for increasing the number of birth, the government may offer financial support to young families to encourage them to have more children. Thus, for increasing young workers, the government may bring young people in other countries.

In conclusion, decreasing the number of birth in developed countries may create some problems, but if government acts in time, these problems can be solved.

Word Count: 263

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

number: 6

problems: 5

people: 5

young: 5

government: 5

technology: 4

developed: 3

countries: 3

development: 3

other: 3

robots: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt and presents a position. However, the ideas, while relevant, lack clarity and sufficient development. To improve, focus on providing more specific examples and detailed explanations to support your points. For instance, when discussing the impact on technology development, elaborate on how fewer young people directly translate to slower advancements. Similarly, when suggesting solutions, provide more concrete details on how robots can effectively replace human workers and the potential challenges involved. Also, consider using more precise language and avoiding generalizations to strengthen your arguments.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay is generally coherent and the ideas are logically presented. However, the introduction and conclusion are quite basic and could be more engaging. The use of cohesive devices is adequate, but there's room for improvement in creating smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. For example, you could vary your sentence structures and use more sophisticated linking words to enhance the flow of your writing.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there's a lack of variety and sophistication. Try to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary related to the topic to demonstrate a better command of the English language. For instance, instead of repeatedly using 'decrease' and 'increase,' explore synonyms like 'decline,' 'diminish,' 'augment,' or 'escalate.' Also, focus on using more precise and nuanced language to express your ideas more effectively. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a reasonable command of grammar, but there are noticeable errors that affect clarity. Pay closer attention to verb tense consistency, subject-verb agreement, and article usage. For example, phrases like 'number of births will decline' could be improved for grammatical accuracy. Proofreading carefully and focusing on sentence structure will help to enhance the grammatical accuracy of your writing.

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